blackboxtheater

Of Course... (audio)

2009-09-13T10:10:00.001-07:00

As promised, here is a shoddy recording of the most recent song.

Best, j

Leave a comment and lemme know what you think.

Of Course...

2009-09-12T19:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've written anything, and it's been even longer since I posted. I hope my friends and any other stragglers still check this out from time to time.

For those loyalists that are still out there, or those that I bug to check out my new post, enjoy. There are a couple of lines i'm "meh" about, but it gets the point across. And no, surprisingly the point isn't a one night stand.

There's a recorded version running around as well. Perhaps that will follow...

Of Course...

Never been one to make things easy
but i guess i knew that before

it crept up on me like violence
left me laying here needing more

any other night
in any other place

we wouldn't have to put up with this
but i wouldn't have it any other way

and that smile
when you asked me...
"Will you take me home?"
I paused...
but of course i will.

these words might be rushed
i never said i was good at this

but all you ever need to know
i've told you in my kiss

all these words, i say too much
but you don't seem to care

you're oh so many days away
no one said that this would be fair

and that smile
when you asked me
"Will you take me home?"
I paused
but, baby, of course i will
of course i will
and that night
when you asked me
"Will you take me home?"
I paused....
but of course i will

so take me if i'm there, love
take me if i'm not
just take me, love, if everything
around us falls apart.

and that night
when you asked me
"Will you take me home?"

Of course I will.

Awwwww Yeah. Booyah Achieved.

2008-11-28T23:08:00.001-08:00

Wow... someone printed up bbt T-shirts for me...

I cannot describe in words how much that rocks. Now I have to record some music so the t's actually mean something.

If anyone wants a t shirt, lemme know. You can write me at jasoncliles@gmail.com. Leave me some contact info. We'll work something out. ;)

Anyway, Booyah achieved. I love the paper plane logo. And on each shirt, the paper plane is in a different place. BBT shirts are like a box of chocolates...

In ladies fashion....

The style for gentlemen....
The logo up close.... sorry it's sideways... i'm lazy, but maybe i'll fix it later....

Aaaaaand the paper plane logo on me....

The Artist Revisited - Audio

2008-11-16T23:14:00.000-08:00

I'm still alive. Here's an mp3!

The Artist

Leave some comments and let me know what you think.

Reader Art

2008-10-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

w00t

Notes

2008-08-29T04:23:00.000-07:00

hola, mi amigos.

lo siento, i've been fairly silent the past two months or so. I've got a few more songs and a couple more audio tracks for ya if you're still around.

I did want to take a moment to thank those that check this place out. I wish more of you would write in, say hello, talk music. whatevs. (i like using outdated slang... i might as well be 67 years old). To give you some scope, i have received traffic from:

the US, Canada, the UK, Spain, the Philippines, the Netherlands, France, brazil, Italy, El Salvador, Slovakia, Belgium, Argentina, Australia, Germany, Slovania, Vietnam, Poland, Peru, and Lithuania. I've got hits from half the states, too (CA, WA, NV, UT, MT, NM, AZ, CO, TX, LA, MO, IL, MS, TN, FL, GA, SC, NC, VA, MD, OH, PA, NY, CT, MA.

Holla if ya here.

With Thorns (Like Violence)

2008-08-19T00:13:00.001-07:00

New-ish song... been a while since I posted. Enjoy.

With Thorns (like violence)

well, i swear it felt like something was there
but i look at the time
it's time again for your doubts
tell me, what are you so afraid of?
scared to fall?
or just scared of falling apart

in the twilight we'll escape
...the moments that don't treat us right
in the twilight we can slide away
...just hold me in the cold of tonight.

you... beautiful.
you... crucible.

for a moment there i lost myself
you say you've run cold
well, it doesn't get easier
so why is it that you're holding back?
you're not sure
and you don't know what this means

but in the twilight with the air so heavy
...i forgot to breathe
in the twilight, just have faith in me
...we'll both get what we need.

you... unusual
you... should know.

Mmm... like violence.

But you... beautiful
you... crucible
you... unusual
you should know.

Banana

2008-06-30T22:37:00.001-07:00

Finally, something a little recent. I wrote this for my band in San Diego.

I'll let you take what you want from the song. The title needs some explaining, though. It has absolutely no connection to the song. During band practice, we were always very easily distracted. Sometimes to get everyone's attention, I would say something really absurd (and really loud) into the microphone. Once I yelled "I am a banana" before this song and it did the trick. From then on, whenever we started this song, I would yell "banana." And the name stuck. Even after the band broke up.

Banana

there must have been a time we knew what we wanted
but here i am barely keeping my head afloat above this
sinking city - ready or not - pins and needles - here it comes
this ends tonight, this ends tonight!

we are artists, are we waiting for muses?
...this is not amusing, waiting for our masterpiece.

let me touch, let me taste.
let me lose. let me waste
my last breath to tell you my name.
let me find something obscene.
let me lust. just let me be.
i'm incomplete.

blinded by hindsight. these city lights, they burn my eyes
and no one wants to listen anymore
confused by the scene... of sweet uncertainty
this carnival, it ends tonight!

we are artists, are we waiting for muses?
...this is not amusing, waiting for our masterpiece.

let me touch, let me taste.
let me lose. let me waste
my last breath to tell you my name.
let me find something obscene.
let me lust. just let me be.
i'm incomplete.

somewhere scribbled on a napkin...
...are words that can change the world.

let me touch, let me taste.
let me lose. let me waste.
let me find something obscene.
let me lust, just let me be.
let me miss, let me lie,
let me blur between the lines.
let me trust, let me try.
let me pretend. don't ask me why.
i'm incomplete.
i'm incomplete.
i'm incomplete.
i'm incomplete.

Two in the Bush

2008-06-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

No comment...

Two in the Bush

everything in this room
right here finds its way back to you
but tonight's the last night
that i can think of you

your hand holding a kiss
that you blew from your wrist.
once. lost in transit
but i didn't let go. until the end.

i need to close my book
on all the songs
i've written you
and while i now fly free
he is just a bird in hand.
intentional.
how's this for goodbye?

my song holds a kiss
that grazed your lips. once.
but should it lose its way
i'll not stop singing. until the end.

so how's this for goodbye?

he is just a bird in hand
chasing away the ghost of what could have been.

Stop

2008-06-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

In my head, the "stop"s are as much musical as they are lyrical. There's an abrupt pause whenever I say it. ::shrug:: Hard to describe what's in my mind.

Another song from a few years back where I'm kinda sick of my life at the time.

Stop.

stop
it's getting crowded in here
and its hard to say what i need to say
stop
it's getting too loud to hear
it'd be a good time to get away

can we go out for a while
and get rid of this place?
i'm saving my good days for later
...enchante

stop
things got so complicated
today kinda caught me from a blind side
stop
it's been silver plated
but it seems i never have the time

can we forget this please?
just leave it behind by turning the car keys.

can we go out for a while
and get rid of this place?
i'm saving my good days for later
stop
can we go out for a while
and get rid of this place
i'm saving my good days for later
...enchante
but not today
just not today.

Jaded

2008-06-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

Ummm... this song was inspired by a stripper. Her stage name was Jade.

It's not really about her. It's not ABOUT anything, really. It just describes the feelings I'd get sometimes... the unlucky thoughts that'd keep me up all night... and the people and places where I'd often hang out when I was down.

As far as the song goes, it probably needs a bridge...

Jaded

get jaded
and call out
don't take for granted that that's expected

get jaded
or fall out
it's different to know you're being neglected

i see
you're green eyes
they do nothing
if you don't smile

so help me lose these unlucky thoughts
they could haunt me until dawn
let me lose them in your arms
i want to be jaded all night long

get jaded
and hold on
it can get dizzy, chasing my tail

get jaded
or move on
do i even have a name?

i see
you're green eyes
they do nothing
if you don't smile

so help me lose these unlucky thoughts
they could haunt me until dawn
let me lose them in your arms
i want to be jaded all night long

Strong Coffee

2008-06-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

I just chose an arbitrary name pulled from one of the verses. Enjoy.

Strong Coffee

sitting
thinking
searching for the ways
to break out of his cage
watching the sun creep down
hoping that it's not too late
a reckless mind that won't put on the brakes

go let it out

stuck, then
waiting
listen to static on the radio
anything to chase the silence
that makes him think
they all say that it's ok

go let it out

don't put it off a little longer
it's every day's tomorrow
just take the first step and trust
the rest of you will follow

yesterday
had to stay
he remembers that she said
to go take a chance
his coffee's too strong like his mom used to make
but it's not the reason for his shakes

go let it out

moving
tomorrow
he tells himself he's treading in the water
and in the sunset and in the static
this is the end
this is the end of something

go let it out

don't put it off a little longer
it's every day's tomorrow
take that frightful first step and trust
the rest of you will follow

Weeping Willow

2008-06-26T22:27:00.000-07:00

I can hear this in my head as a very dark, moody song. Not too wordy in the way of lyrics, tho.

I dated a girl, and once when she was crying her hair spilled over and it reminded me of a...

Weeping Willow

lay there with your face in my pillow
hair spilling over. a weeping willow.
you finally showed another side to me.
now, roll over and weep in the shade of my tree.

where do you go for your inspiration?
is it your television shows or your afternoon drinks?
you just shake your head when you spill your coffee,
but how long can you fake being happy?

and i know
you don't want this.
this is not what you want.

you lay there with your face in my pillow
hair spilling over. a weeping willow.

Moving On

2008-06-26T22:21:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to speed up this process, I'm not gonna comment much.

Besides, we've all been here before...

and ugh... crappy title. Any better ideas?

Moving On

we've been through this before
said these same words, sang this same song
we've been through this before
and it's getting easier to leave you
i'm starting to get used to this
i'm sorry, but it's come to this for now

i'm gonna climb this like a mountain
before i come tumbling down
swim it madly like a river
just before i drown
i've been here before, and it won't be the last
but this time, it's time, it's time
moving on

somehow thought it'd be different
bite my tongue, i'm losing patience
the taste of leaving is blood and salt
it's time i'm moving on
the words are in the pictures
i'm moving on
moving
moving on.

It's about that time

2008-06-26T22:15:00.001-07:00

I have slacked off again. The goal of this blog was to get all my music down before I moved. I have only... let's see... fourteen days left in San Diego, so I'd better get to work.

If anyone reads this, I appreciate your patience and hope you enjoy the next two weeks of posts. It's about that time...

I'm going to town.

Windows + Waves

2008-05-14T02:14:00.000-07:00

Well, welcome back.

Take your own meaning from most of this one, but there are a couple things to point out. One, I love riding in airplanes. I love looking down out of the window. That simple. Two, the "making wishes by making waves" part is about throwing quarters into a wishing well. We make miniature waves. I also love the ocean and dreams. It all kinda fit...

Windows + Waves

dress your kids in denim
and hide them neverending
camouflage them from the sin
and all the leaks beginning, alright?

walk your pets at night and
just maybe you can hide them
from all these people's prying sights
it's not for them to decide

if the days fall a little too early
will we rise a little too sleepy?

to see the answers so far away
are we fool enough to look away
from windows on airplanes?
are we fool enough to believe
there is a better way?
like making wishes by making waves...

dance over in the corner
and be seen by none other
but you'll shake away the boredom
that holds you in its covers

while you sing a song for no one listening
about the denim, about the sinning
the clouds from the airplane wing
and then ending that's beginning

and if the days fall a little too early
will we rise a little too sleepy?

to see the answers so far away
are we fool enough to look away
from windows on airplanes?
are we fool enough to believe
there is a better way?
like making wishes by making waves...

M.I.A

2008-05-08T22:51:00.000-07:00

My apologies to anyone who actually reads this blog for the long hiatus. I've been on the road working for about two and a half weeks. We'll return to our regularly scheduled blackboxtheater shortly, as I'm finally home for a few days.

In the meantime, I'll give you some reader our from our friend [MAQ]Designs over at -simply stated-. Thanks again, maq...

Autumn concept art

Not a Day Goes By - Second Hand Live

2008-04-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

Here's a video of my former band Second Hand's performance of Not A Day Goes By.

Enjoy!

Not a Day Goes By

2008-04-17T01:00:00.000-07:00

This song was written about my desire to move to San Diego when I was younger. Surprise, I'm here. The title came later after some friends moved out here before I actually made it out. They referred to San Diego as Dego (day-go), which formed the original song title Not a Dego By. That being too... cryptic (?), offensive (?), I changed it to the current title.

The map I refer to really does exist...

Video tomorrow!

Not A Day Goes By

sick of pulling straws
i plant my feet, they're taking over
time and time again
they just keep getting shorter

well, i bought a map today
i put pins into the places that i've been
and places i'd love to be
but san diego is just so far away

They set him up To watch him fall
But can you see him Up on the wall?
Mark one up, Let it be known
That San Diego, I'm coming home.

i've lingered long enough
and i'm sick of screwing up
i'm tainted with the lust
for a sunny day in california

look at that map today
and laughed at the boy who would take it over
his ideas fit like puzzle pieces
but san diego's just so far away

They set him up To watch him fall
But can you find him Up on the wall?
Mark one up, Let it be known
That San Diego, I'm coming home.

i'm sick of waking up
to a bleeding alarm clock every morning
hit that button one more time
and pause our lives for ten more minutes

this shower can only wash away
this city once, do it every day
i'd wash it away for good
if san diego weren't so far away

They set him up To watch him fall
But can you find him Up on the wall?
Mark one up, Let it be known
That San Diego, I'm coming home.

Epic

2008-04-16T00:47:00.001-07:00

This was written in the same coffee shop, but it was a little later and I seem to be a little more upbeat. Good.

The verse where I describe laying in a field is about a painting. If I could remember who painted it or what it was titled, I'd show you...

Also, for those still paying attention, I use lines in this song again later... Keep your eyes open.

Epic

(mmm, yeah)
(my head’s a little cloudy)

Parts of my mind are missing this morning
My head too cloudy to be piecing together such a story
About a memory we once knew
And how a thought can become an endless journey

Slide over, lemme have a seat
Let’s take another look at this
We are rhythm, are we waiting for muses
This is not amusing, waiting on a masterpiece

In my head
In my head
I hear there’s a surprise ending
In my head
In my head
This is not the end, not the end

Last night I think I had a dream
My legs were broken, I was laying in a field
I looked out into the distance
For something to save me, a single tree
I reached my hand
I closed my eyes
My legs again
Supported me…

In my head
In my head
I hear there’s a surprise ending
In my head
In my head
This is not the end, not the end

We.
Are.
Epic.

Reader Art!

2008-04-10T02:53:00.001-07:00

Concept art for Soldier. The hotness. Special shout out to [maq] designs for this. Thank you. :)

Check out her creative talents at -simply stated-

The Art of Dying

2008-04-10T02:41:00.001-07:00

Oh, young [my name is jonas], why are you so sad?

The Art of Dying

Twinkle tonight little star... just remind me
while i spend the night... laying awake
open window by my bed... fresh air, find me
bottle of wine and sleeping pills paint the art of dying

twinkle tonight little star
starry nights aren't very far from starless dawn
open book next to my bed
a lonely poet struggles with his greatest song

art is hard.
here's to the art of dying.

tonight's the night... let me shine
open up my masterpiece... the art of dying
the good guy goes down... in this final scene
a grand blaze of glory... the art of dying

twinkle tonight little star
just to remind me that autumn leaves are raining
they sprinkle their pain onto the ground
here's to the art of dying.

art is hard.
here's to the art of dying.

goodbye.

Intervention

2008-04-10T02:37:00.000-07:00

I was depressed and drinking a lot, acting the fool... that's basically it.

Intervention

on rainy days with pink elephants
i dance in cabarets
the bars are my stage

with unnamed shots and loose bellyflops
kick it into autopilot
it's time i got off

take hold of me
i don't want control
turn my face red
don't shake anymore

when tongues get tied in noisy tribes
i think i'll try
to let it slide

it won't let me stop
'till myself is gone
not me anymore
but my body's still going

which way did he go?
i must apologize
you must understand
i have an evil side

come out, come out wherever you are
just one more and another one more

This is Really Happening

2008-04-10T02:30:00.000-07:00

I'm going to post a trio of songs tonight. They're all depressing coffee shop songs. I'm heading out of town for a few days, so I thought I'd post several this week to keep anyone reading occupied.

This Is Really Happening

Flatscreen parents
Internet presidents
Do you fear its presence?

This is all around

Botox humans
Litterbox ashtrays
Can you feel the falling yet?

It’s falling all around

Laughing pigs
Screaming hygiene
Tearing and then burning down

It’s burning all around

Collapsing money
Bulls and bears fighting
Leave before the bitter end

There’s bitter all around

Poison diamonds
Migraine ideas
Spinning around your head

Heads spin all around

We’re clawing at doves on strings
The beasts encircling me
Stop the air from bleeding me
This is really happening

One More For Tonight

2008-04-09T00:32:00.000-07:00

There is a page in my songbook that only reads "6 months later." Seems I took a hiatus from writing for a while. This is the song just after that page. There are a couple handfuls of songs that came before this that I haven't posted yet, but I've kinda lost order anyway. Besides, after tonight's posting frenzy, it seems fitting to finish with a song titled....

One More For Tonight

let's face this from another angle
it seems that's when things start looking strange
it's not the camera lens after all these days

put it into place
put it into place
put it into words i can say
let's try another day
let's try another day
today is moving in mysterious ways

don't compare to all the others
that's when it'll start to get a little strange
people just all react in different ways

so when it's time to let it out
don't hold back, now, don't hold back

put it into place
put it into place
fit it in between your usual ways
let's try another day
let's try another day
and forget for now that today remains

can see things from this other angle
and be satisfied that it's all strange
chance is not the problem after all these days

so when it's time to let it out
don't hold back, now, don't hold back

it's there if you listen
just take the permission
to take what you're missing
and lock up the confusions so you
don't hold back, now, don't hold back

put it into place

K

2008-04-09T00:27:00.000-07:00

This one is bitter. I'm not bitter anymore, but I was at the time. No further comment.

K

there were holes in my thoughts about you
gaps i missed along the way
but they're there. and i'm ok.

that was a clever first impression
if i may, you played the card well
but hearts turned out to be spades.

when you left, you left me dizzy
i imagined it far more painful
then... you made it easier to be ok.

watched me stumble around clumsy
still with clever false impressions
until the real k came out to play.

would it be so hard to play the truth?
a clever first assumption made you right
made you think it was ok.

but we all know how assumptions go
you made an ass of yourself
and unleashed the ass in me that day.

so now it's easy to wash my hands of you
watch the dirt swirl down the drain
my hands are clean. and i'm ok.

i hope it's what you wanted
you should have been kind and left me pining.
i don't care now if you're ok.

One New Years Morning

2008-04-09T00:11:00.000-07:00

One thing I learned growing up around songwriters... never break the heart of a musician. You're bound to end up in a song somewhere.

None of these songs will ever go on to be hits. In fact, they probably won't be read by more than thirty people. Still I wonder, though, what the people I've been involved with would think if they knew that there was a song about them.

I try to keep the commentary pretty vague. For the most part, I have not named any names. Those that really, really know me already know the situations I may hastily describe, and those that do not won't be any wiser. Even so, I hope that the people I write about are flattered. It was in the past, but they all should realize that I cared enough at the time to put the situations into lyrics.

My songbooks are my most valuable possession. Most of the songs may not be great, but they are the moments of my life, both wonderful and terrible.

Anyway, this one is about one who got away...

One New Years Morning

come walk with me a while
tomorrow, start anew
for now let's dance in the twilight
let the stars plan our steps tonight
let's gaze at the sunrise of a new years morning

i know it's january
but let my feet stay bare
the more i feel, the less i'll forget
so let me stand with another's prize
and never lose the sunrise of this new years morning

...these are the things that i think about...

i regret that awkward goodbye
i knew, never again
lost you with a simple word
a single word that i would take back
...a thousand different times
...on a thousand of these mornings
...let my stinging feet remind me
...that i am not asleep

let me rest my grasp
let her fall asleep
with the one she really wants
a better version of me
but i hope that she remembers still...

...these are the things that i think about
.........like watching the sunrise on a new years morning
...these are the things that i think about
.........i don't think i could stand forgetting.
.........and i don't think i could stand ever being forgotten.

On a Highway, Just Before Dawn

2008-04-09T00:02:00.000-07:00

These are some of my musings after a fun, all-night event. I was driving home from the beach just before dawn. She was a schoolteacher.

The song isn't that great, but... whatever. Another page in my book.

On a Highway, Just Before Dawn

you're not alone
cuz you're here with me
and i'm halfway home
we're halfway to home-free

don't worry about leaving
safe if you don't look down
you get over your fear of heights fast
when you're this far above the ground

and when we woke up this morning
we woke up with a smile
just hold your breath a little longer
just half as many miles

quit your job with the school
and teach me how to live
bring your spirit with you
i want to think like the kids

don't worry about the money
it's no good where we're going
i must confess my ADD
these daily routines won't hold me

while my attention's somewhere else
we've already left, we're halfway there
where we don't believe in lies
where we can live alive

you're not alone
cuz you're here with me
and i'm halfway home
we're halfway to home-free

Treetops audio

2008-04-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

Here's the mp3 for the song Treetops
Let me know what you think...

Treetops

2008-04-07T01:03:00.001-07:00

Hope you enjoyed the posting frenzy. I like this one the best out of what I've posted tonight. It has an mp3 running around that I'll put up in a few days.

Treetops

i'll hang around
like leaves on treetops
and i'm not sure it's where i want to be
on a smaller scale,
like a lowercase whisper
i'll fall as a leaf among the trees

i've seen the ground
many years ago
i grew past that quickly
i moved upward
looking only towards the blue

and through the falls
i held on
and stayed upon the top of the tree
now that i'm up here
i'm looking down
i'm not sure this is where i want to be

when will i whither
when will i fall?
i smell reality catching up with it all
when will i finally
hit this ceiling?
well, i think brown might look good on me

farewell treetops
farewell treetops
farewell treetops
fare thee well

A Song About a Song

2008-04-07T00:54:00.000-07:00

A simple song I wrote when I couldn't think of anything else to write.

I'm on a roll tonight......

Song About a Song

turn on the radio
a bit of art i can't afford not to hear
i remember our time
i'd sing along, but you're all too near

and it reminds me of a time
.back half my life ago
..when i began to know
...that music was my life

and it reminds me of
a noise after a silence that couldn't end too soon
so prepare yourself
it's the calm before the storm we both know will come

relax and close my eyes
.lay back in the sun
..until the moment is done
...my senses tease my mind

back to reality
can i make my life a tape and just rewind?
let's play make believe
and see to it that this is the soundtrack of tonight

do all your nerves tingle?
.could you stay up all night?
..and would it be alright
...to release this as my life's first single?

Ceiling Magnolias

2008-04-07T00:41:00.000-07:00

The title comes from a ceiling fan in the home of someone I was close to one winter. It looked like a magnolia, with petals as the arms of the fan. The girl thought that something was wrong with her. I remember laying on that floor watching the magnolia spin, convincing her that she wasn't poison.

I'm not one for commentary tonight.

Ceiling Magnolias

a magnolia still spins in my mind
don't let me go home, imagine me one more time

looking back on this round's events
a happy moment was one spent with her
i know i'm romancing a flower
that blooms only in the morning before i rise
when i lay counting surreal ceiling tiles
just one more hello. goodbye.

wasn't expecting any resurrection of myself
a virgin birth brought something i'd never expect
play me a song to carry me home
i'll spin with the planes on my ride
as i drive along and get lost in the sky

let me check... i'm dancing alone
long after i've carried the flower home
no reason to wish for more this time
this round was perfect; back for the hours i'd drive
i'll wrap this up this time, it's mine.

let me check, seems my flower has died
no use to hope for a bloom
it's wilted despite the water and
light and love i gave and i look above
for a flower still spinning in my mind.

don't lay too near the fire
but let it warm our sight
and lose ourselves in the afterglow
of a once fantastic light
a magnolia still spins in my mind.
not time to drive home, pretend there's more time
for the dance of the magnolia in my mind
yes, the magnolia still spins in my mind.

you're not poison
you're not poison
you're not poison
you're not poison

Good Problem, Good Mistake

2008-04-07T00:37:00.000-07:00

Women... ;-)

Good Problem, Good Mistake

i'm a good actor
i'm a good liar
but when did this all turn real?
just a little boy
lookin' through a window
give it all back to him

i guess i thought this was real
i never wanted back
i never wanted to have to deal
counter-clockwise
the second hand should reveal
another problem, another problem

she's a good problem
she's a good mistake
who ever heard of such things?
just a little boy
good thing this glass
has blurred his vision, it's blurred his vision

i guess i thought this was real
i never wanted back
i never wanted to have to deal
counter-clockwise
the second hand should reveal
another mistake, another mistake

i guess i thought this was real
i never wanted back
i never wanted to have to deal
counter-clockwise
the second hand should reveal
another chance wasted.

Try

2008-04-01T22:16:00.001-07:00

This one came about a little later in my writing career, but April Fools Day is about as good a day as any to post it. Besides, I feel like finally posting one of my best songs... plus a video and mp3.

I'm not exactly sure how this commentary should go. Try was about my girlfriend at the time... we hadn't been together for too long when I wrote this, and we began dating with the knowledge that I was moving away... but I wanted to try to stay together.

Reading the lyrics now, I think most people can take something from the song. I've lost a lot of sleep over the years worrying about the ends of various things. "Let's all laugh into the fire" is, in my humble opinion, a great line. Enjoy the good times as they happen, and remember them fondly. And finally, don't give up on something you believe in until there is nothing more you can do. It may not work out, but that's life. All you can do is try.

Try

Set it off
Build it up
Let's all laugh into the fire

Tell me now
did you cry?
raise the bar a little higher

close your eyes and just pretend
i could use a little rest for my head
can't fall asleep, all i see
all i see is the end

if i go
overboard
please excuse my behavior

i'd make it right
but i forget
just how it feels to be a savior

close your eyes and just pretend
i could use a little rest for my head
can't fall asleep, all i see
all i see is the end

excuse me baby, but i don't want to give up

close your eyes and just pretend
i could use a little rest for my head
can't fall asleep, all i see
all i see is the end

let's all laugh into the fire
let's all laugh into the fire

MP3

Video

Sometimes

2008-03-31T01:21:00.000-07:00

This was written several years ago about an ex-girlfriend. I don't know if she ever read it, and if she did I'm not sure she knew it was about her. It's a little sappy.

The only other comment I can write for this is something that was written at the bottom of this song's page in my songbook... an intentional run on sentence that will kinda show you the state of mind i was in...

"if you hurt the way i hurt you wouldn't flirt with all the problems that i face today's the day to make my mark and say i couldn't do the things i do if it weren't for you saying i'm wrong and all along you knew i'd fail at it won't be long you treat me poorly but before you broke me you were kind and swore you loved me. but now your mind is so far away from me."

Sometimes

i could paint you a picture
in brilliant colors you've never seen
the kind that exist only in mind
but in time i'd realize
the only way you'd see your beauty
is if i gave you my eyes

i could write you a song
a melody only birds can know
lyrics with the rhythm of a waterfall
happiness brought to all who hear
but to feel the power in your voice
i'd have to give you my ears

i could make you a dress
made purely of silk and air
fit like water over every curve
but it seems the only chance
to feel the softness of your body
is if i gave you my hands

i could give you a perfume
the sweetest scents from across the land
excitement as you moved
it smelled like love every time you rose
maybe you could capture it for a moment
if i gave you my nose

i could draw you beside me
much closer than your mind right now
you'd dress me up and i'd play blindly
but i'm no costume, this moment not a work of art
it seems the only way you'd ever feel it
is if i gave you my heart.

S.O.S.

2008-03-31T01:10:00.000-07:00

It's the end of the month, so I decided to throw a few songs out at once tonight.

S.O.S. is another angsty coffee shop era song. For those keeping track, there seems to be a theme through this part of my life. Anyway, not too much to say about it except this... it's not really a distress signal (save our ship) so much as it's a call to arms for people to do what it is they really want to do with their lives (save our selves).

S.O.S.

We began sinking sometime along the way
a Prozac Nation
20-somethings lost at sea, too scared to scream
for a savior. isolation.
we're drowning, whoa.

but we must
Save Our Selves

Never had a great war, our lives are our
Great Depression
treat water and hope our heroes notice
our great desperation
we're drowning, we're drowning
and our eyes are pleading
a silent S.O.S. that no one's reading
whoa

we must
Save Our Selves

go to work and smoke your greens
blow it all. we're meaningless
you brought us in to turn us down
but to these chains we'll not be bound
we're saving ourselves this time
we're saving ourselves this time
we're drowning, we're drowning, but this time...

Save Our Selves

Scarred/Sacred

2008-03-31T00:56:00.000-07:00

This song began as three lines that I put on a page in my book.

I'm scared.

I'm scarred.

I'm sacred.

Scarred/Sacred

begin sifting through
the remains and ashes
of wars and crashes
of something tragic.
the problems remain unseen.

just keep thinking
for another hour.
a million thoughts undoubted,
the ashes getting shallower.
our hands remain unclean.

the fires burning
for another hour.
my burns a massacre,
i'm scarred but sacred.
my skin shall be revenged.

a burned photo album;
false happy faces
replaced with burned plastic places.
only violent traces of
what might have been.

let someone else
let someone else let go.
this is you.

a half eaten life
you left in a hurry.
feel something lurking
underneath the murky
clouds in the sky.

i never wanted this for you.
harness your anger and make your next move
would you let someone else let go?

all we are is what you made us
all we are is what you made us
all we are is what you made us
all we are is what you made us

Enter here

2008-03-29T03:58:00.000-07:00

This one is more of a free form poem than a song... There are many songs that kinda follow this type of flow, though, so I had it in mind as the brooding opening to a CD.

I had someone read one of my songs, and he said he just didn't get it. He didn't understand what it meant. Many of my songs, particularly the coffee shop series, are pretty open ended. You're not supposed to know exactly what they mean. They mean whatever you want them to mean. Most of them are a little depressing, but I think there's a spark of hope in many of them. Hoping for something that is never going to happen, tho... that's kind of a drag. I've always really liked the line "false hope is a whore."

It means whatever you want it to mean.

Enter Here

the back way
the front gates
a secret hallway
a quiet day

the wrong in my thinking
the canyons in my mind
the holes in my story
the spaces in my lines

without knocking
when i'm unguarded
through my confusion
when i've been harmed

within insecurities
false hope is a whore
tickles my fancy
leave them wanting more

an exercise in supposed thinking
if i thought away, would you come along?
i think i'm pondering, in case you were wondering...
enter here.

Truth or Consequences photo

2008-03-26T13:20:00.001-07:00

I actually did end up going through Truth or Consequences; however, it wasn't on my self-produced tour, but on my move to San Diego.

Better make up your mind quickly... only another 3/4 of a mile to go...

The Tempest

2008-03-25T23:06:00.000-07:00

This is another moody coffee shop song. I use a line that has shown up in at least one other song... I think maybe even two. I like bands that tie their songs together that way. One of my favorite musicians Greg Dulli (the afghan whigs, the twilight singers, the gutter twins) does it fairly often.

I used to write the line on napkins at restaurants, bars, anywhere that had a paper towel to write it on... "somewhere scribbled on a napkin are words that can change the world." Not sure why I did it... maybe just hoping to inspire someone else.

I believe there is music for this floating around somewhere, but not on my computer. Hope to find it when I eventually go through all of my old tapes. One day that will happen...

The Tempest

i am anger
i am chic temptation
i am danger
i know no moderation

i am a mission
i am a missionary
i am the moment of darkness when you blink

i am the calm before the storm
i am the instant before the crash
the moments as the rain hits
the last thought into the wreck

for that moment, i seem an eternity
but after the fact, a frame of fantasy
my collection of images
...is a collection of bad ideas.

and somewhere scribbled on a napkin
are words that can change the world

really a raindrop of nothing
an insignificant wind
i may be danger
but all's well in the end

i am on a mission
a storm brewing inside me
and after me will be
a light that all the world can see

i shaped the thoughts before you
caught in a synapse in your mind
the world you want before your feet
your last thought into the wreck

come on now
sing the words that will change the world

Truth or Consequences

2008-03-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

I wrote this with my friend Joe one night in college. I had always planned on taking a self-produced tour of the country with my acoustic guitar to play open mics, opening acts for local bands across the country, and basically anyone that would let me play in the cities I wanted to visit. I drew my tour route on a giant map that I kept in my room. Along my route was a city called Truth or Consequences, which I thought was the greatest name for a city EVER... outside of "Paradise."

Truth or Consequences

senselessly down the open road
staring thru my
rearviewmirror
thinking about the things
the things i left behind
forget the things i fear
nothing but an open road
forget the things i know
forget the normal
the relentless yellow line
ending never
reverse, remember
thoughts of my destination
speed my respiration
speed my breathing
another tank of gas or so
grab another pack of smokes
desire is seething

nothing but the music to make me smile
these lifelong friends will keep me alive

spring rain to summer heat
april to may
the warmth i will meet
ac's broke, windows down
even rain can't stop me now
the drops would be so sweet
my will is strong unlike the light
the radio and i will push thru the night
all of us, we are alone
but we come to the end
just another long strange trip
this time it feels like home
senselessly down the open road
come to terms with myself
heighten my senses
think you know yourself?
here's my ulta matem...
truth... or consequences?

nothing but the music to make me smile
these lifelong friends will keep me alive.

Driftin' Sands

2008-03-19T23:46:00.000-07:00

This song is purely for my friends Matt and Adam. It is not good, it is more of an inside joke for my two captains. Nobody else will get it. I will not post the lyrics. I imagine anyone outside of the three of us will conjure several WTFs???? if you listen to it.

With that said, Driftin' Sands is a shack of a hotel in Nags Head, NC. Matt, Adam, and I decided to drive down to the beach town one night without having any real plans for a place to stay. When we got there, all the hotels were booked (or too expensive for our summer break budgets). We ended up in a half star hotel with a floor covered with boat carpet caked in sand, lawn furniture as our couches/beds, and appliances that didn't work. And it was STILL a rad weekend. It also references a massive shot glass. Here's my ode to Driftin' Sands and the lighthouse keeper.

Close Your Eyes [how we love to fall] - for audiophiles

2008-03-17T23:48:00.000-07:00

Apparently it's a St. Patrick's Day post party.

Here's the mp3 for the longest titled song in my songbook.

And your lyrics for Close Your Eyes [how we love to fall]

Oh?

2008-03-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

I was down. I felt like I was wasting myself. Here is the song.

Oh?

never been here before
out on my own
a missing persons
an outline on the floor
lost my direction
or rather it lost me
have to find a motivation
before this gets the best of me
what good is a gift
with no ambition?
time to make my big score
sometimes i'd do anything to be something more

all my life
decisions locked, uptight
now free reign
to do what i like
so many opportunities
but what for?
i don't want this
silver platter anymore
what good is this gift?
where is the meaning?
i fear i've locked that door
sometimes i'd do anything to be something more

out in the distance
i see the sun
and i wonder what it'd be like
just to be someone
i like where this is going
unsure and new
not sure if i'll make it
save friends, precious few
how to use this
finally, freedom
a light in the distance, a key in the door
i'm giving everything up to be something more

Radio

2008-03-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that I never put this song to music, I kinda like it.

The coffee shop where I spent most of my time was part of a Barnes and Noble. Whenever I had writer's block I would wander around B&N, pick up a magazine, a book of poetry, or a coffee table book and thumb through it until something struck a chord. This was partly inspired in that way. Although it doesn't read like it, the song was also inspired by a Radiohead song; hence, the gentle nod in their direction in the title and chorus.

Radio

Sun set
on the day with
phone lines
computer cables
don't, no, don't let them strangle
don't blame anybody

for today
is generated
by TV
somewhere in Holly-
would you sell yourself to
let you blame somebody?

Turn off the radio.
Clear is static, let it go.
Turn off the radio.

anger
blood is flowing
corporate
veins are bleeding
on poor souls
whose lives are drowning
it's alright in the ending

strings play
forming everything
vibrate
through tomorrow
don't turn and look away
tomorrow's not the ending

Turn off the radio.
Clear is static, let it go.
Turn off the radio.

Believe.

2008-03-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

I am jumping a bit out of order this evening. By the time this post is published, it will be my father's birthday, so I wanted to put up something a little more optimistic. This was written about four years ago. (Unfortunate that I had to skip a couple years of writing to find something upbeat enough for pop's b-day.) Just a note for those keeping track... some of these lyrics were reworked/reused in a later song. Keep your eyes open.

Anyway, if you're out there reading, Happy Birthday, Dad!

Believe

blinded by the light
these city lamps, they hurt my eyes
and no one's gonna listen
to you anymore

taken by the side
your friends don't recognize your disguise
and you think
you'll take the night off

-
Running
from nothing
tonight, catch up with the leader
by it
beside it
the scene in the rearview retreating
~
So Rise
Tonight Is the Night
The Night to Realize
That Even the Night Can't Hide It From Your Eyes
Believe
To Be Is To Dream
To Be Is To See
Our Boat Floats On Despite the Mystery
~

confused by the scene
when everyone knows their destiny
so why is it better
this way?

sweet uncertainty
is not knowing where you'll be
when this carnival
is over

-
Running
from nothing
tonight, catch up with the leader
by it
beside it
the scene in the rearview retreating
~
So Rise
Tonight Is the Night
The Night to Realize
That Even the Night Can't Hide It From Your Eyes
Believe
To Be Is To Dream
To Be Is To See
Our Boat Floats On Despite the Mystery
~

Close Your Eyes [how we love to fall]

2008-03-10T22:18:00.000-07:00

All of these coffee shop songs are kind of dark. This was originally untitled, and then for a while it went by the name Untitled 1. Then I decided to name it based on the lyrics, but couldn't decide between "Close Your Eyes" and "How We Love to Fall." None of them really do it for me... your thoughts?

Not much else to say about this one, but I do have a recording of it that will go up eventually. The more comments I get for this, the faster it will go up...

Close Your Eyes (how we loved to fall)

in nights like these all faces look the same
in nights like these our figures have no names
it's nights like these when we become dreamy violations
that aren't present during the day

[and how we loved to fall]
[like our shadows stretched out on the wall]
[and how we loved to fall]
[after all...]

here they lay again
his words, they tiptoe through the den
here they lay again
he wonders if he'll never see that
place again
the home they left and the life they lead, that
place again
where her words were familiar, they'd friendly
dance and bend
in shapes they'd banter yin and yang, they'd
dance and bend
in a dark that wouldn't hide them.

the days, they end in night...
when the world closes its eyes, it'll set things right
when the day.... ends.... in night
close your eyes, close your eyes, close your eyes
close your eyes, close your eyes, close your eyes

oh, how we loved to fall...... after all.

Panic!

2008-03-09T23:17:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, heading to bed each night I would turn the lights off and run and jump into bed as quickly as I could. Did anyone else do this? I wasn't afraid of monsters under my bed, but I was afraid of something. It was a strange feeling of impending doom, but I couldn't tie it to anything in particular.

During my "blue period," I was brought down by a similar feeling of dread. I wasn't really upset or frightened by anything in particular. It was just kind of always there.

Panic!

no, no, no, no, no, it's never going to happen
it's the reason we leapt into bed in the dark as children

no air
. . no air
. . . no air

steal my inflation, no sense at all
open your eyes in a dark room, feel your way to the middle

no air
. . no air
. . . no air

it's there when you go hungry. there when you don't dream
my motivation, another time... i feel like gravity
and i don't know where i'm going with this...

a grander scheme that can't be seen
i'm taking it all down with me
everytimg we never followed through
i feel like gravity

i'm your breath and your anxiety
i'm everything you've seen
i'm your ego, i'm your id
and everything in between

somewhere between my eyelids and the bed
the fires smell like rain
never thought i'd see so many of myselves
go down the mental drain

when pigs fly, burning swine
you'll feel it every time
beg the air that won't be there
suck in if you dare

NO AIR
. . NO AIR
. . . NO AIR
. . . . NO AIR

And for the record, this was another song written in the coffee shop era.

Like Everyone Else

2008-03-06T21:00:00.001-08:00

I believe this is where I began to write in coffee shops - I'm fairly certain I wrote this in one, and although the next handful of songs may go back and forth, this kind of marks the end of my first era of song writing and ushers in the next. Until I get into the full-blown, all coffee shop all the time era, I'll keep you posted. Not to say the next era was any better, but I personally can tell a difference between the songs.

I think I mentioned before that a lot of my songs don't really follow a rhyme scheme. It's more in the music I hear in my head and how the lyrics go along with it... which makes me wonder why I didn't get around to recording more. Looking over this song, it kind of goes in and out of rhyme, and the scheme within the verses doesn't really align throughout the song.

The song is about being depressed. The chemical induced sweat and the happy candy I refer to are antidepressants and antipsychotics. It was tough getting out of bed...

At the end, I've included a segment of a song that was never finished. It was on the same page of my lyric book, although I don't think I intended it to be the same song. It might be a cool refrain or something, it has a little bit of optimism. Oh, and it rhymes!

Like Everyone Else

hot hot heat
chemical induced sweat
the only way to let the anger go
at least the only way i know

come, follow my infinite
knock of the door
the turn of the knob neverending
perhaps (again) i'll turn once more

the faster i fall, the less i feel
...i can't fall much faster.

put on my shoes
head for the door
forget it, i'll sleep a little more
i'll wake up a little less sore

pop happy candy
i'll swallow my smile
start moving when i see the light
the haunting will leave me alone tonight

maybe i feel more like myself than i have in years

the faster i feel, the less i'll fall.
...don't let me fall any faster.

waiting for news of me
four months to life
the sky is ash, the morning
is sarcastic. all will end well.

maybe you're right, i can
see the sun through the trees
despite smoke's still remains
you'll pay for your friends

maybe i feel more like myself than i have in years

the faster i fall, the less i feel
the faster i feel, the less i fall
let me feel, don't let me fall any faster.

~with these truths
~unlocked these chains
~a good nights sleep
~can dream again
~where i live
~a hero's tale
~where the good guy
~never fails
~to solve the mystery
~save the day
~where i am light
~in brilliant rays
~without rest
~ten years too late
~don't wake me up
~i'm sleeping in today

The Crucifiction [sic]

2008-03-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

Sorry, leaving this one without commentary. If you really want to know, ask me in person...

The Crucifiction [sic]

Can't remember how this story begins
Where did the parts lose themselves?
Go and find them, Don't take years to do so.

...pictures become dreams
...in turn remember family
...little pieces of the puzzles
...i never wanted to see
...you wasted a child
...while you powdered your nose
...better wash away the sin
...before he's old enough to know

~i see smoke and mirrors~

So I solved the mystery
and ripped apart another me
The paper cutout I'd created wasn't seen.

Throw his arms out wide
Into his windy cross
Let's sit back and see if the wasted child falls.

...pictures become dreams
...in turn remember family
...little pieces of the puzzles
...i never wanted to see
...you wasted a child
...while you powdered your nose
...better wash away the sin
...before he's old enough to know

~i see smoke and mirrors~

So does he fall?
Does the beast come back for more?
I just sit and count the spots before my eyes

They read me my odds
Five to one says he falls
No surprise, my mind's always worked this hard.

...pictures become dreams
...in turn remember family
...little pieces of the puzzles
...i never wanted to see
...you wasted a child
...while you powdered your nose
...better wash away the sin
...before he's old enough to know

~i see smoke and mirrors~

Winston-Salem - lyrics and audio!

2008-03-01T03:59:00.000-08:00

So... I'm a late night blogger. When the dust settles on the night and I've got nobody else to talk to, I turn to writing my songs out for the world to see.

This song... pretty literal, nothing special, but it's a special shout out to an old friend. The song title has nothing to do with the song... but I had a friend whose last name would often be improperly pronounced as Winston. Winston-Salem is a semi-metro area in North Carolina, fairly near where I grew up, but the name was more closely tied to the cigarettes that were produced there along tobacco road.

Winston was a good friend and I miss her.

Winston-Salem

i'm staring out at all of you
staring right at me
just stand beside as i'm dying
all eyes on me
its time for me to pass or fail
whatever time may be
i'm crying, or i'm dying
all eyes on me

yesterday i had a dream
or my dreams had me
working a crowded room
part impartially
weeding out those that did
and those that didn't believe
in such trivial things, trivial things, trivial things
as dreams....

i took a little closer look
before sleep slipped from me
there were mocking sighs, fake plastic smiles
but something i'd never seen
a glimmer of hope in just two eyes
all the hope i need.
and they sang to me
i believe in you....

long before these wasted years
in the mind of my child
i held one thought with me
but never paid it any mind.
i held it from your searching eyes
i hope you all don't mind
but now my eyes are open
and i fear i'm blind...

so the frightening light of day
is as bright as my ambition
time for one last push so i gues
that i had better get pushin
push on through these days and nights
until i can dream again
with nothing to hold me
except the dreams of a friend....

she said i believe in you
do you, son, do you
she said i believe in you
and you know that you do too....

Soldier - LIVE!

2008-02-28T18:40:00.001-08:00

As promised, here's the soldier video, as imagined by my former band Second Hand. Enjoy the rock version. :-)

[Edit... again, I'm lazy, and this was all I got today... Perhaps this weekend.]

Pause

2008-02-28T00:03:00.000-08:00

No music here. I promised to make up for my recent hiatus from posting, but I got in late and I don't feel like it! Thursday evening I'll try to post a rocking video of Soldier, a new song, and an mp3 to go with the new song. Come back then?

blackboxtheater

Seattle

2008-02-26T01:22:00.000-08:00

Sorry, dudes, no real updates while I'm outta town until Wednesday... my cousin and I didn't feel too creative. To keep you occupied in the meantime, here's a pretty sweet picture of the space needle. Awesome. I'll post Wednesday night... Adieu.

Pour Myself into the Sand

2008-02-21T00:00:00.000-08:00

Another really old song from the cow book. It's hard to put a lot of the older stuff in order because I started in the cow book, but once my friend found out I was writing, he bought me the leather-bound journal. From then on, I just wrote in whatever was closest to me when the feeling struck. It also doesn't help that I used to skip pages between songs and then ended up writing on the blank pages that I had skipped. Some songs I can timeline because of what they're about, but for the most part, it's lost on me. ::shrug:: Guess it doesn't matter...

Anyway, this old song feels a little unfinished. I didn't really nominate anything for a chorus, and the structure of the first two verses is different than the second two. ::shrug:: Again... guess it doesn't matter.

Pour Myself Into the Sand

I remember the clouds that cried that day
When luck turned and walked away
But I can't recall the sun that fell
...is it speaking
...is it speaking to me?

I guess it doesn't matter.

I take a walk along the pilings
To gather what took place that day
The wind whispers to me her secrets
...past my cap turned backwards
...from the moments of that day.

I guess it doesn't matter.

The salt reminds me of the sting
that still resides in my lungs.
I hold my head down low to hide my eyes
from a sun that isn't there.

I guess it doesn't matter.

Well, should I pour myself into the sand
and hold the hand of the one that made it?
Or would that seem childish of me?
Guess it doesn't matter, I'll never know.

I guess it doesn't matter.

Some housekeeping...

2008-02-19T22:17:00.000-08:00

News and notes...

Looking over all the material I have, the blog should have fresh material until at least mid-April... and that's if I post every day. I've got several old mp3s left to reveal, a couple videos, and many many more songs. Hopefully by then I will have even more material. I put my desktop (i.e., my recording studio) in the shop today, so I'll have that available to record new music soon. It's been broken for over six months, so I haven't thought about recording since then. But once it's fixed I'll have new life and hopefully it'll be slightly better quality than the old 4-track demos I've been putting up.

I've got a few more really old songs that I know are recorded on that 4-track, but I don't have the lyrics written anywhere. When I get around to it, I'll listen to those and post more lyrics from my humble beginnings. Nothing special, but for the sake of completeness. This is as much for me as it is the folks reading on the internets. And it's not likely to happen in the next week.

Starting Friday things might get slow for a few days because I'll be in Seattle visiting my cousin. Unless he and I decide to get creative (which is possible... I learned guitar because of his example), I probably won't post much between Saturday and Wednesday. I'll try and make up for it when I get back.

I guess that's it for now. Keep reading, keep commenting, and keep sending art! And again, if I have any songwriter friends out there, I'd like to start showcasing other people one day out of the week. Get in touch with me.

Take it easy...
blackboxtheater

3:37am

2008-02-19T21:51:00.000-08:00

This one is creatively titled 3:37am because that's the time when I wrote it. I often have trouble sleeping when there is a lot on my mind (which translates into "most nights"), and this was running through my head in December of 2001. I think it's the only song that I've ever actually recorded the date. In retrospect, I wish I had done that for all of them.

The song is about the one that got away. Reading it now, it was apparently written before she got away. I don't, however, think she ever knew this song existed...

3:37am

I've been locked up in this room for days
No reason to open my door
But i've found someone to show my face
it'll be good to see the sun again.
...good to see the sun again
...good to see the sun again.

You say that you don't know me well
but know my eyes won't lie
so trust me, though i'm scared to tell you
that i won't love and leave you, baby
...i won't love you and leave you, baby
...i won't love you and leave you, baby

~it'll be good to see the sun again~
~it'll be good to know you're smiling when~
~i have my arms around you, even if~
~everything around us falls apart~

I'd sell my breath to watch you sleep
I'd fight off dreams in fear that you won't be there
with me. Your smile, my sun, your eyes, my sky.
I have found that some dreams just won't die.
...some dreams just don't die
...some dreams just don't die.

The candle flickers in the rhythm of your heart,
amazing as you stand before me.
The taste of your kiss, the feel of your fingertips
give me hope when everything seems to fall apart
...when everything around us falls apart.
...if everything around us falls apart.

~it'll be good to see the sun again~
~it'll be good to know you're smiling when~
~i have my arms around you, even if~
~everything around us falls apart~

So...
take me if i come home.
take me if i don't.
take me if everything
inside me falls apart.

Everything (nothing) - hear it.

2008-02-18T00:49:00.000-08:00

It's been about a week since you've had some audio, and I haven't really posted many songs the past few days (mostly just awesome artwork) so here's a little extra for tonight.

If you remember, or just want to check the post of Everything (nothing), this song is more of a free form story. The audio follows that until towards the end when it gets a little more structured. Recording this was kind of interesting because I had to do it all in one take on my little 4-track. Because of how it was written, I wasn't sure how the lyrics would fit into the guitar line so I couldn't just record the guitar part and then overdub the words. You can tell that certain parts of the song were sung with a little bit of guesswork, as if I were a little unsure how to fit them.

If I remember correctly, I think I only practiced Everything (nothing) once between the time I wrote it and the time I recorded it. A lot of my earlier songs happened in a similar fashion. Last Waltz took about five minutes to write and another five minutes to record. But back to the matter at hang, this song definitely has that kinda wandering feel that the lyrics have. I think it's interesting. Hope you enjoy...

Josie

2008-02-18T00:38:00.000-08:00

This song was written back around the time that Back From Canada was written with that same friend from high school. Most of my songs don't fit into nice, tidy rhyme schemes... I tend to like it that way. Perfect rhymes tend to sound a little cliched to me, or they force rhymes that ARE cliche. If you have been keeping up with the songs I've posted to date, you can probably just read this and tell I didn't write all of it.

In the town where I went to high school, we had a carnival type thang come to town every year called Peanut Fest. Lots of dumb fun. I believe that's what the song refers to... I don't remember exactly... but it wouldn't surprise me. Peanut Fest was a bit silly (generic rides, generic carnival games, a hilariously bad freak show), but it was a fun place to hang out with friends and meet new ones.

Anyway, on with the song...

Josie

Josie, this summer I'll never forget
at the carnival where we first met
and from this summer i have one regret
that summer doesn't last forever

atop the carnival wheel flying
in the breezy summer sun
the flowers on your sundress
begging me to come

on the night of our first date
up to your door i was a half hour late
you just smiled and said it was ok
i was born too late anyway

Josie this summer i'll never forget
standing on your porch for our first date
and from this summer i have one regret
that the summer doesn't last forever

on the night of our last kiss
standing in that carnival field
rides long gone, they're fading fast
but this night with Josie would last

Josie, this summer i'll never forget
saying goodbye where we first met
and from this summer i have one regret
that you can't be mine forever.

Reader Art!

2008-02-14T19:04:00.001-08:00

A reader made logos for me!!! Very cool. I like the last one the best. Thanks!

...and this is now my header...

Lori's song

2008-02-14T00:22:00.000-08:00

Well, it's now officially Valentine's Day, so I guess the mood is right for a cheesy love song.

This one goes waaaaay back. This might have been the second song I wrote, about a girl I knew in high school. She had a boyfriend. Oops. blackboxtheater has seen his fair share of unrequited love.

I found this on a folded piece of paper in my cow book after I started this little blog project. I was gonna let it go, but then I decided that nothing is too cheesy or personal or... bad... for this blog. Maybe it's just me, but I only like about 40% of the stuff I've written. But when I'm done with this blog, I'll have a standing piece of work... everything that I've never let people see. As a whole, I'm proud of my writing, but it's kinda funny to look back on the things I used to think and the words I used to write.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day. Go grab some wine, I'll provide the cheese...

Lori's Song

I want to look you in the eye
but it hurts
and I want to ask what's on your mind
I won't. Maybe I'm afraid to know.

Would you take me as I am?
...if he weren't there?
I'd love to show you who I am
...if you'd love me back.

Well, I thank you for being there
for me when I need someone
to make me smile and say out loud
I love you.

I'll make it through each day
with or without you
But I could use you at my side
as I take on the world.

How like you to make me feel this way
when my heart doesn't want to smile.
Where would I be
Without you?

Art!!!

2008-02-12T21:08:00.001-08:00

I'm on the road for business and I don't have my books with me, so... I'm going to put up some blackboxtheater art!

The first one is just a picture of a font i was playing with for the name. Nothing spectacular.

Here is some early concept artwork. Different things I was playing with.

Here is my awesome 5 minute MSPaint logo!! It still makes me smile.

My sister did her 5 minute MSPaint reinterpretation of it. Apparently she can do more in 5 minutes than I can....

More recently she took a quick stab at it... There is another similar one that she did after it, but I can't seem to find it. If she sends it to me, I'll have something for a later post (hint, hint).

And finally, some concept art for an emblem. I wanted something simple with bold lines that's easy to remember. And I love light houses. Imagine that the filled in areas are solid... I did this very quickly with a pen.

I know there are a few artistic people out there reading this... If you feel like spending 5, 10 minutes to make a logo, I'll post it!

Atlantis

2008-02-11T00:45:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm having trouble sleeping, so I decided to get up and do something for a few minutes. A lot running through my head, as usual. Nothing bad, just a lot going on up there.

So I started reading through my older stuff and decided to post one. This, like Prophet for a Day, is one that got stranded in the early leather journal. Between that journal and my cow book, there is more early songwriting than I remembered. Atlantis was one of those songs that I never thought would see the light of day. I liked parts of it, and I even recycled some of the lyrics in a later song.

Here is the Tale of Atlantis

There must have been a time
when I knew what I wanted
There must have been a time
but I was just a child
When dreams actually meant something
but innocence, it goes away.
Even the best laid plans
will often go astray...

And this time...
And this time...

Don't say to me
all the things I want to hear
I won't say to you
that everything is oh, so clear
Don't take my hand
i'll never want to let it go.
No, don't let me find you
i'll never want to let you go.

You're afraid
that it won't be worth it
Here I am
barely keeping afloat above this
Sinking city
i can't swim forever
I'll let you in
just promise me you'll never let me down.

And this time...
Promise me you'll never let me down.

Am I drowning?

On second thought...

2008-02-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

Welp, I'm actually out of time for today, so the last set of lyrics and mp3 will just have to wait for another time. My apologies. But since I'm saving it for later, at least I'll have an extra couple of days worth of posts. Hope you enjoyed the frenzy. For now, take it easy...

blackboxtheater

The Artist - video

2008-02-09T14:18:00.000-08:00

This video was shot in late 2004 or early 2005, so I'm jumping out of order a bit to show it to you. Secondly, of the four videos from this Second Hand band practice, this song is easily the least complete. I had just thrown some music to the lyrics for The Artist cuz the band needed a new song to play. The music ended up being pretty dark... not sure if that was my original intention, but the band wanted new stuff and it was fun to play. Anyway, it's recorded through an old camcorder, and the words are hard to make out (probably because i didn't know them), but... IT'S A CELEBRATION!!! A post frenzy!!! So cheer for the artist!

More to come

2008-02-09T13:28:00.000-08:00

Check back later today for more of the posting frenzy. I'll have another set of lyrics, probably another mp3, and maybe even a video. w00t~! That is if I don't get totally distracted by something and leave my house... but I'll try and have everything up by 8pm Eastern, 5pm in my neck of the woods. See ya soon...

blackboxtheater

The Artist

2008-02-09T13:26:00.000-08:00

This song may or may not be about my sister. It's a song about an artist. Enjoy.

Her charcoaled fingers reshape the paper
As she blends our world with hers
Abstract shapes, happy and painful
And she's lost inside them all

She... she's an artist

Bent over a canvas on the floor
Her tears mix with water colors
Fruits and vegetables,
landscapes and animals
She shades the shapes that flatter her face
And swears that she'll be beautiful one day

If only
Her life
Were as beautiful as her art

Pencils and papers scattered about her
Circle scenes that shout out loud
Places she knows are better than here
Where every day's a new year

She... she's an artist

If only her life were as beautiful as her art

The Dreamers - listen!

2008-02-09T13:14:00.000-08:00

Here's the early mp3 for the Dreamers. I got a little carried away with the electric guitar from time to time. Besides that, it's not half bad.

Happy Birthday, Meg!!!!

The lyrics... The Dreamers

...and music...

The frenzy has begun...

2008-02-09T13:10:00.001-08:00

The posting frenzy has begun. Today is my sister's birthday, it's a celebration!!!! Say Happy Birthday if you like!!!! Not sure how many posts I'll get up, but hope you enjoy them! :-)

j

The Dreamers

2008-02-09T13:05:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, my sister told me that when she was young she used to think that Paradise was a real place, and that she was really disappointed when she found out that it wasn't. It was probably the saddest thing I had ever heard. So I wrote a song. The dreamers are my sister and I.

The Dreamers

do you remember the dirt road we once lived on?
back when you were five, and i was six or seven?
things were so much better in our childish innocence
the sister i would adore

you said you thought there was a real placed called paradise
and that you were disappointed when you found out otherwise
don't listen to them megan, they're all full of lies
there has to be a place for

you and i
to run away
yes, you and i
will run away
just run away

so i looked at all the maps and i checked the atlas
i read so many books and still can't find an answer
so i'll keep searching 'till i fulfill my promise
we'll live in paradise

there has to be a place we can escape our birthright
where life imitates art and art mocks our real lives
i hate to bear bad news but our lives are not quite paradise
but only not for now

screw the things that screwed our lives and just pretend
they never really happened and we'll be fine, my sister
i promised you so lets run away, just run away so fast that

you and i
will fly away
yes, you and i
will fly away
just fly with me

so i looked at all the maps and i checked the atlas
i read so many books and still can't find an answer
so i'll keep searching 'till i fulfill my promise
a town that's paradise
a life that's paradise

we're the dreamers

One more thing...

2008-02-07T23:04:00.000-08:00

Hey, special posting on February 9th. Check back. It's going to be a posting FRENZY.

Loss of Ambition in East Suburbia

2008-02-07T22:55:00.000-08:00

It's been a couple days since I've updated, so I'll go ahead and post something else. This is the Loss of Ambition in East Suburbia, which I played in some of my earlier sets but ended up getting a little frustrated with the flow of the music, so I kinda ditched. It's basically just an adolescent Jason getting bored with the standard expectations of life. But I guess that's life...

Loss of Ambition in East Suburbia

I don't see why I
must live without decadence
what happened to my independence?

Living out the wishes
of our fathers of modern lore
their standard lines are such a bore

Where have all the vagabonds gone?
Living each day out
with whatever may come about

Forget living each day
One drag at a time.
Is one pack such a price to pay?
I was meant
for so much more.

I look around and see my brothers
living with the degradation
of each day's expectations.

I won't lay down for in between
school, college, wife, and kid
that bores me just a little bit.

I say we throw it all away.
We don't deserve this stigma,
You and I will give them

Something that inspires
Something they desire
Something to remind them
that they still have a choice.

Forget living each day
One drag at a time.
Is one pack such a price to pay?
We were meant
for so much more.

Something that inspires
(I want to give you)
(a light to the door)
(a path that may lead you)
(you deserve so much more)

Something to remind them... that they still have a chance.

Silly kid...

blackboxanthem for those who like to hear

2008-02-07T22:42:00.000-08:00

Here's the mp3 for blackboxanthem.

Someone once said I sound like Billy Corgan in this recording. Ha.

And for anyone that followed my songs through the band Second Hand, yes, the guitar part to the chorus of blackboxanthem IS the same as the chorus of Not a Day Goes By. For the majority that didn't, you'll hear it in a few weeks. :-)

Oh, yeah.. and your lyrics... blackboxanthem

blackboxanthem

2008-02-04T23:06:00.000-08:00

Back in tenth or eleventh grade, I went to a Black Box Theater to see a series of plays. I had just started playing guitar, and for some reason, the name "black box theater" really struck a chord with me. I told my friend that if I ever started a band, I wanted to name it black box theater. I began writing songs and the name kinda took on a meaning of its own for me. Instead of a band, I just wrote and recorded music in my bedroom and kinda put it under the blackboxtheater umbrella. The things I wrote and played weren't Jason Liles... they were blackboxtheater.

The idea kinda went in several different directions. I liked the Black Box Theater because it was simple... just that, a black box. Very few (if any) props, just a black stage, a black background, and an artist. That kinda felt like me... nothing special, just me, a guitar, and my simple songs. Everything else was stripped away. From there, though, it caught the black box recorder from an airplane, the only thing that survives a crash - again, when all else is stripped away. I also took it to mean a television... a black box that entertained children when their parents were too busy to look after them. After my initial leather bound journal and first "cow" composition notebook, I started writing in solid black art books... black boxes... and I would scribble in the first page "in every book, a theater." Just a lot of little things that I thought about that I didn't think would ever make it out beyond my own mind.

In all of those meanings is something lonely, though, and I think this song might have felt a little lonely. This is blackboxanthem...

A plane crash coming
a last prayer, but nothing
a blackboxhero
a riot. nothing's wrong.

a bleeding of meaning
it all hits the ceiling
here's to that plane crash
nothing that can satisfy, nothing that will satisfy me

a revolution, a revolution

a blackbox coming
they don't know where i'm from
but they can feel it in my eyes that
this box right here is just my size

a constant rhythm is weary
a tired radio station makes me sleepy
from nothing i will hide
something that can satisfy, something that will satisfy me

a revolution, a revolution

but me, yes i know
i know i will not stand alone, i won't be held by catacombs, no
oh, no
please god don't make them think, there has to be something that
will rile that, that will rile them
and stir the stars that will not shine, those lost in a dark place with four sides
their soul, their role...
to be cynically amused and start a revolution

a revolution, a revolution

the mp3 should follow in the next couple of days. And if you're reading this, please comment... I like comments... just a simple "cool" or "ok" will suffice... just want a little feedback and to see who's out there. :-) Go ahead... the comment button is riiiiight there!

Everything (nothing)

2008-02-02T05:16:00.000-08:00

Everything, nothing... More of a free form story than a song, but curious, nonetheless. A lonely walk down an empty, late night street with a lot on my mind. To be or not to be? No, to feel or not to feel, that is your question.

A couple of my... not so much my obsessions, but my fascinations come out in this song. I love eyes, and I love the ocean. I really like the line about telling my secrets to the ocean... she's the only one who will know. The ocean is one of the only things that can really calm me down when I get worked up. A lot runs though my mind, but the water is so vast and beautiful, the sound of the waves so calming.

One New Years Eve, instead of going to a party for the ball drop, I drove off to the beach, about 45 minutes away. When the clock struck midnight, I was alone, a lot on my mind, but my feet were in the sand and the waves celebrated my new beginning, and for a few moments, everything (or nothing?) was perfect. Not what the song is about, but it's a testimony to how the ocean has a hold on me.

And eyes... people give away more information than they mean to in their eyes. I've felt for years that I have a pretty good read on people, and it all comes from how they look at me. When they're speaking, when they're acting, when they're not... If you really want to know me, just really look into my eyes.

But without further ado... (adieu?)

Everything (nothing)

I walk listlessly down the blocks that don't notice that i'm here, like a flipbook of badly drawn sketches of poorly taken photographs. Maybe I'll ask myself when I'm not myself just what I'm doing here.

So, hey... would you know me if I told you my name? These city lights can't see us, still we hide just the same. I'm sorry I feel foreign to you, I can't quite help it. Never mind the credits. Check the liner if you really wanna know. I'm myself only for the duration of the show.

That's me, between our skies, don't ask me any questions. If you really wanna know just look into my eyes. Try not to be thrown back.

If I weren't so damn stubborn, I might take my own advice. I'd clear my head, a break from these streets would be so nice. I'd sit and write my secrets in the sand, sing my childish heart, and let the ocean wave hello. She's the only one who will know.

My life is like a sketch, a one line drawing, shaken - i'm no more. A thin black line in dull surroundings, but I guess that's all I care to know. A momentary masterpiece turns into another genius theft. I hide my eyes and spin around, gray's all I have left.

A muddy walk once more around the block... a siren alarms, perhaps it's for me, but it whizzes by. I'll wonder what's going on - so curious - i won't know 'till morning when I check the paper and read about another broken politician, broken window, broken life, and all the things that I don't want to be.

I get me to an elevator to rise above the streets, above another me that I don't want to meet. And I hate it, but don't let the sounds stop... the silence makes me ill, and the noises will always hide my whispered secrets.

To feel or not to feel, there's your question.

Groundhog Day

2008-01-31T23:13:00.000-08:00

Another song about another girl. This one was originally called Resolution, as in a New Year's Resolution... but the... eventual downfall of our relationship happened more towards Groundhog Day. Bonus: it made for good lyrics in the third verse.

I should wait and post the mp3 tomorrow to kinda space things out. As it is, I only have about two and a half month's worth of material... but I'm all amped up about this right now, so you get both the lyrics and the original song structure. I'm not terribly happy with the recording... I was a bit sick when I sang it. I sound a little stuffy. But I get my point across. :-)

I learned early on, through myself, my friends, and songs on the radio... you shouldn't break the heart of a musician. You'll only end up in a song later. So with my humble apologies to the young woman this is about... and to all the subjects of the songs I post in the future... enjoy!

Groundhog Day

You in your leopard pj's
Eyelashes twisted in tears
What did he do to hurt you?
Why can't I cure your fears?

I didn't know my mind at Christmas
I changed with the New Year
Another perfect resolution
Twisted as if I were never there

-She's so beautiful when she's crying
-No she doesn't even see, she just sits and makes believe that
-I'm not me without her
-But she deserves those tears, yes she deserves those tears
---That's the story of my year

~ So I'll pretend and live in song
~ I'll wait and sing for one more dawn
~ And watch the sun alone, and watch the sun alone
~ Yes, I'll pretend and live in song
~ Sit and wait for one more dawn
~ And watch the sun alone, and watch the sun alone.

Were you scared by your own shadow?
Or was mine creeping up?
Looks like six more weeks of winter
The coming spring will bring no luck.

-She's so beautiful when she's crying
-No she doesn't even see, she just sits and makes believe that
-I'm not me without her
-But she deserves those tears, yes she deserves those tears
---That's the story of my year

~ So I'll pretend and live in song
~ I'll wait and sing for one more dawn
~ And watch the sun alone, and watch the sun alone
~ Yes, I'll pretend and live in song
~ Sit and wait for one more dawn
~ And watch the sun alone, and watch the sun alone.

You broke my... resolution.
You broke my... resolution.

Last Waltz - in actual 3/4 time

2008-01-30T22:34:00.000-08:00

Here's the solemn live recording of last waltz... i even sound sad. Stay away from your razor blades.

(How many emo kids does it take to change a light bulb? None... let 'em cry in the dark)

Your lyrical jump - Last Waltz

And your aural treat...

Autumn: The musical

2008-01-30T22:27:00.000-08:00

You know the drill... mp3 time!

Lyrics @ Autumn

Soldier: The MP3!!!

2008-01-30T22:18:00.000-08:00

Alright, the first one went over ok, so I'll post a few more.

I don't need to remind anyone that these are very rough. This one, particularly, because after going through all my old music files I've found that the only version I can find of Soldier is missing the last half of the song! And since my desktop (with my recording studio programs) is broken at the moment, I can't re-record it. I have it on 4-track at my place if anyone wants to hear!

Anyway, enjoy the first half of soldier. At least you know what it sounds like...

And for the lyrics, a convenient link... Soldier

Taren - Now with 100% more audio!

2008-01-29T21:35:00.000-08:00

I decided to try and post a few old mp3s. Keep in mind that I recorded these in my campus apartment with an old 4-track and a crappy microphone at 3am, roommate sleeping in the next door. But at least you have some audio. And to jump back to the lyrics... Taren

I have early recordings of Soldier, Autumn, and Last Waltz as well. Figuring out how to put up audio was a pain in the arse, so I'm going to call it quits for now. I'm new to this whole blogging thang. I'll get some more up later. In the meantime, enjoy.

Last Waltz

2008-01-28T19:38:00.000-08:00

Last Waltz is a really, really dark song. I wasn't very happy when I wrote it, which probably isn't very surprising if you read it. At the risk of sounding morbid, the other dancer is death. I'll leave the commentary at that.

It's a pretty song with music... written in a true waltz form. The chords are a little repetitive, but there's not a whole lot you can do with a waltz. :-) Boom, tss, tss, Boom, tss, tss...

Last Waltz

Won't you waltz with me, pretend I'm fine?
Waltz with me this one last time.
Waltz with me and breathe on my life
'Cuz I know I'm not alright tonight.

Waltz with me, take a journey in black.
Waltz with me, we'll never look back.
Waltz with me, won't you pick up my slack?
I can't hold myself up tonight.

Sing low, sing sweetly this time.
Forget me not, this feels so fine.
Don't let my fears unlock this embrace.
I feel far from myself tonight.

Don't stray for too long
A glass of water to settle my mind
I'm scared of myself this time
To rest in peace would be just fine.

Turn out the lights, we don't need them to see
All the hurt, the ache I feel.
Hold me close, you can't sway too near.
I'm tired of losing myself. Tonight.

Waltz with me, pretend that I'm fine.
Waltz with me just this one last time.
Waltz with me and breathe on my life
'Cuz I know I'm not alright tonight.
'Cuz I know I'm not alright tonight.
Yeah, I know I'm not alright tonight.

Prophet for a Day

2008-01-28T00:21:00.000-08:00

Several of my songs have rough recordings, and several others have been played live over the years; this song is not one of them. This song has never seen the outside of the leather-bound journal that I first started writing in until now.

I wrote this my first semester of college after I pulled an allnighter studying for an exam. Instead of going straight to my test, I left my place early and walked around campus to clear my head. It was a nice day, I sat on a bench, and wrote this song in a couple of minutes.

Nothing special, but another chapter of my story is told.

twenty-four hours
still going strong and on and on
i'll take a walk for a while
to see what's going on
it's 9am
people wearing shades
i watch a cute blonde girl
pulling a walk of shame
i'd love to know
exactly what's on her mind
i say hello and forget our crossing lives

and it's such a shame
that we can't talk for hours
a noncommittal breeze
the sun shines, the clouds are cowards
i have to step back just to see
all i need to say cuz
i'm a prophet for a day
just a prophet for a day

a group of guys
still sloppy from the night before
does this little ritual
ever get to bore?
an older couple
sitting on my park bench
do they see my youth and think
of times they used to spend?

and it's such a shame
that i can't see what he sees
but for now i know
the wisdom of his years
they all turn to see me
as i walk away
there goes a prophet for a day
a prophet for a day.

Autumn

2008-01-27T02:31:00.000-08:00

When I was in college, I used to play my acoustic guitar quite a bit. At the end of parties, I'd usually end up boring the last few people with poor renditions of fun rock songs from the 90's. I also recorded a handful of my own tunes. After circulating this song enough, and after countless end of the night singalongs, a lot of my friends ended up learning the words to Early Autumn.

As I wrote my early songs, I looked to other songs for inspiration. I noticed, however, that a lot of even the most popular songs used cliches. So what I did here was make nearly every line of the verses a cliche, or a play off of a cliche. The real meaning behind the song I'll reveal at the end.

Autumn

I wish I could be faithful
I wish I could be great
I wish that I had something meaningful to say
I could be a prince, but I think I'd rather not
In her mind, she's a queen, and no one's gonna stop her
She wished she had a problem in her fairy tale world
but on the backside of a bill, she's my fairy tale girl

I feel that Autumn's coming early this year
and I know that my change of colors is near
So I'm glad that Autumn's coming early this year
Mmmm...

You wish you had someone fall
for all the things you do
but I guess you must have missed me
tripping over you
not a bridge that I can't cross, there's not a cross that I can't bear
so when I turn my head, she begins to stare
the candle that burns brightly is never gonna last
but I guess I refused to learn that all the nice guys finish last

Now she feels that Autumn's coming early this year
And she bares all the things that I wouldn't bear
Now she's glad that Autumn's coming early this year
Mmmm...

Better late than never than to never have loved at all
All it takes is just one kiss to turn summer into fall
Not in a land of make believe, no, it's not mystery
That she's the moon and I'm the sun, and at the dusk we meet
Chose to be a common man, but all it took was just one look
Still there's nothing meaningful,
so I'll just bring back the hook...

I know that Autumn's coming early this year
and I know that my change of colors is near
I know that Autumn's coming early this year
I traded apathy for someone who cares
So I'm glad that Autumn's coming early this year
Yes, Autumn's coming early this year.

The song is actually about a girl named Autumn. That might make you read the chorus slightly differently. Have an open mind. ;-)

Soldier

2008-01-26T02:23:00.000-08:00

So, going back in the catalog, one of my better songs is actually one of my older ones. You guys finally have something decent to read. w00t!

This song is called "Soldier," and it went through four or five iterations before it got to the point that it's at. There's about fifteen minutes separating me and one of those earlier iterations... if I feel up to it at the end of this (edit: as it turns out, yes), I'll write it.

And so, for the commentary... this song is not about anyone in particular. I just wrote it. There might be something behind it, but... You've got nothing on this soldier. And again, this is one of the first five songs I wrote. Not too bad if you ask me. It still stands strong as one of my favorites. If you must ask, though, it is about a guy leaving a woman for reasons that are only his own. They may not be obvious, and she may have treated him great, but there are things lying underneath that cannot be ignored. It makes sense in his mind... it's a shame that it doesn't in hers...

(And by the way, it's amazing how history repeats itself if you don't learn from your mistakes. I feel it's necessary to throw that in the sidebar because I look back at this song that I wrote almost ten years ago, and it's still relevant. Tsk, tsk.)

I feel that the words don't do the music justice. Early on, I always played in a percussive style that *kinda* made up for not having any accompaniment. This may sound weird, but the style is kinda Ani DiFranco-ish. Think "Gravel." She's rad. This song is rad. Whatevs...

I wrote his after playing the initial idea with my friend Charlie. I'll try and throw an old iteration after it...

Soldier

She came over all dressed in black
He gave a platinum sigh
She knew he was never coming back
Oh, no, no...

She came in with her wings tied to her back
No angel, No more
Feathers had fallen for the last time
He tried to walk away, she pushed him to the floor

You've got nothing on this soldier
But what if I told ya
That I would look the other way
That I would look the other way

She had wronged him once before
And then time and time again
With this last betrayal
His words a shotgun in her den

"Oh, where's my happy ending???"
He denies moderating
He feels desperation
In stop animation, paused by her...

You've got nothing on this soldier
But what if I told ya
That I would look the other way
I would look the other way
[repeat]

[She said this is how you kis her if you know that she's the one.
How he wishes that were true! How he wishes that were true!]

The bracketed lyrics at the end were added several years after the song was written. There was a girl that I completely adored that told me "this is how you kiss someone if you know that they're the one," and she... gave me an amazing kiss. I'll never forget it. She wasn't the one, it was a sham, but the kiss was amazing nonetheless. I fit those lyrics in occasionally when I'm playing live. Only a handful have witnessed it. ;-) (For the record, I've had better... but for the sheer moment... the romance, the poetic way she began, and under the stars with the waves behind us.... it was amazing. I played this song for her on the stage at the Windjammer in Charleston, SC, with the additional lines a few years ago.)

Ok... so... anyway, the old iteration. Parts of it are good... I wonder why certain lines/phrases didn't make it... But yeah, here ya go... see a part of the evolution.

She came over all dressed in black
he knew it wasn't good
she knew he was never coming back
no, no, no...

she walked in with her wings tied to her back
no angel, no more
a piece of her fell as he turned around
she pushed him to the floor

and i am walking away
never looking back
oh, i am walking away
no, never again

you're not leaving me, she said
as he walked away
you'll remember me, i know
her turned and went alone

and i am walking away
leaving here for good
and i don't want it anymore
oh no no

and something goes off in his mind
and it blows up in tears
can see it in his thoughts
all those wasted years

there's never gonna be another love
he's never gonna be here again
the years come forward, push him in
beat him down and sting his skin.

She struck him in the back again
the waves they come from
radiate within the light
he spins to his right

As the moments they burn like fire
It comes down to the wire.
All his anger and desire
the moments they burn like fire

and as i walk away
never looking back
turn and walk away
the like it fades to black.

(the grande finale)

Something alarms in his mind
(as i walk away)
not how it's supposed to end!
(never turning back)
the moments they blaze like fire
(so i walk away)
her wings can't take her higher
(no, no, no, no, no)

As the moments burn like fire
That he used to admire
Tides of anger and desire
The moments they burst into flames.
(yeah)

Back from Canada

2008-01-25T01:22:00.000-08:00

[OK, so wow... I'm trying to post these in more-or-less chronological order, and going through some of this old stuff is pretty wild. Blast from the past. I have an old composition notebook I used in high school that I wrote my first songs in... this is one of them and I haven't thought about this song in years. I loved those composition notebooks... cow books!

I actually can't remember if this song was about anyone in particular. I've never even been to Canada... who knows? I remember writing it with a friend of mine; i wrote it, then he tweaked a few things, then i cleaned it up. Funny, but it seems to sum up every heartbreak I've had since then. I do like the line "yesterday never knows what tomorrow's gonna say."]

Back from Canada

woke up this morning alone again
poured myself a bowl of yesterday
wondering why my sun is still gone
only a passing memory of a better day

i search the morning sky for the missing moments
the ones i dropped and left behind
the things i said, the things i've done
to take it back, to just rewind

~but yesterday never knows what tomorrow's gonna say~
~bring back yesterday's sun to enjoy again today~
~filling the empty spaces between you and i~
~where once was laughter, not the tears you cried~

but still i'll try for so long
but still i'll wait for so long
and you've been gone for so long
because your heart was too strong

the road back to you is lonely
and the end is out of sight
but there's still hope that one day i'll have you back in my arms
i think one day i'll be alright

~but yesterday never knows what tomorrow's gonna say~
~bring back yesterday's sun to enjoy again today~
~filling the empty spaces between you and i~
~where once was laughter, not the tears you cried~

A few words before I proceed

2008-01-25T00:28:00.000-08:00

OK, so the first song is up. I will try to write some commentary for each one, give you a little insight as to why I wrote such a terrible mess of words.

As I put these things up, please comment. If you read it, comment. Tell me it's good, it's bad, it rocked your world, it made you sick. If it's so-so, even a "meh" would do. You can do it anonymously so nobody (mostly me) knows you're a jerk! But I just want to put these out there and see what kind of feedback I get. I'd also like to hear from other songwriters out there... if you write something and want to see it in the blog, let me know. I can even post it without your name tied to it if you prefer nobody to know who wrote it, if you would like some constructive criticism, maybe the people that read this can help. But let's not get ahead of ourselves; I see a readership of about eight people.

A lot of the early stuff is pretty straightforward. You may or may not like that, but it is what it is. Then there was a period of time where I went to a coffee shop four nights a week and wrote a song or two each visit. Some of that is pretty good, some of it is stretched a little thin. I was pretty much just writing for writing's sake - mostly to try and get better. A lot of songs from that period don't have music to go with them (many of them didn't merit it!) but the lucky ones did and perhaps you'll hear them on here one day.

I mentioned in the commentary for Taren that I really would like to get some mp3s up of these things once I really get going. Maybe it'd give people a reason to keep coming back, if anyone even shows up here at all. Maybe it'd give me a reason to get off my arse and put down some tunes. A few dedicated friends have at times asked about the eminent return of blackboxtheater. Here are those first steps.

Anyway, even though this is mostly just a place for me to keep my songs and hear what people think, I hope you like them. And again, please comment.

Taren

2008-01-25T00:18:00.000-08:00

they say when you were young, you loved storms
and you'd dance and play in the rain
i see you now under the tears of angels
how did we end up the same?

when we cry we do it outside
so they can't see the tears on our face
why can't we go back to yard where we used to play
and i'd watch you dance in the rain

i knew before i saw her...
...and when i saw her i knew.

we'll dance under the moonlight with the sand beneath our toes
and i'll sing to you a love song as the mood in the air grows
for now i'll sing to a girl who's a thousand days away
like a dream not quite forgotten, it slowly fades away

they say when you were young, you loved storms
i watched you dance in the rain.

[this is the first song i ever wrote, almost ten years ago now. it's the first in a long list of songs about the girls in my life. there's not much to read between the lines in this one and it's a bit cheesy, but give me a break. like i said... first song ever. if i ever get around to making good recordings of these things, i might include them in the blog... but what are the odds of me doing more work than i have to? shrug.]

Welcome

2008-01-25T00:17:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my songs... don't rip them off.

Enjoy...

blackboxtheater

blackboxtheater

Of Course... (audio)

Of Course...

Awwwww Yeah. Booyah Achieved.

The Artist Revisited - Audio

Reader Art

Notes

With Thorns (Like Violence)

Banana

Two in the Bush

Stop

Jaded

Strong Coffee

Weeping Willow

Moving On

It's about that time

Windows + Waves

M.I.A

Not a Day Goes By - Second Hand Live

Not a Day Goes By

Epic

Reader Art!

The Art of Dying

Intervention

This is Really Happening

One More For Tonight

K

One New Years Morning

On a Highway, Just Before Dawn

Treetops audio

Treetops

A Song About a Song

Ceiling Magnolias

Good Problem, Good Mistake

Try

Sometimes

S.O.S.

Scarred/Sacred

Enter here

Truth or Consequences photo

The Tempest

Truth or Consequences

Driftin' Sands

Close Your Eyes [how we love to fall] - for audiophiles

Oh?

Radio

Believe.

Close Your Eyes [how we love to fall]

Panic!

Like Everyone Else

The Crucifiction [sic]

Winston-Salem - lyrics and audio!

Soldier - LIVE!

Pause

Seattle

Pour Myself into the Sand

Some housekeeping...

3:37am

Everything (nothing) - hear it.

Josie

More Reader Art!!!

Reader Art!

Lori's song

Art!!!

Atlantis

On second thought...

The Artist - video

More to come

The Artist

The Dreamers - listen!

The frenzy has begun...

The Dreamers

One more thing...

Loss of Ambition in East Suburbia

blackboxanthem for those who like to hear

blackboxanthem

Everything (nothing)

Groundhog Day

Last Waltz - in actual 3/4 time

Autumn: The musical